my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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