i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
