I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
