If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
