no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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