Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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