If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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