haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
