Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All the doctor said was why
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
