So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
