My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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