I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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