I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
