Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
