if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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