just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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