Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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