just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
