we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
