I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
this will be a night to untag.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
