You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
