woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
