I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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