He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
