im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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