I think i sorta joined a cult last night
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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