Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
