I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
