I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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