: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
