of course. lets lasso hookers.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
