Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
