You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can I color on your dick again?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
