After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
