someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
