whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
