haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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