Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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