Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
