Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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