ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
