You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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