What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
