dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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