did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
