My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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