"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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