I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
