Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
