Kiss
Puke
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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