while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
