How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
