if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
