dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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