I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
