The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
