She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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