I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
