Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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