and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
