Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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