i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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