i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
