I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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