this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
