dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My dick has a subreddit
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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