I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
