Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
