3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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