i was born a porn star she said
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
