How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
