a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
