I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
