so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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