In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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