i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
