I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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