Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this will be a night to untag.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Text me some of your sweat
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