Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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