Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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