Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
