someone threw a dead crab at me
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.