Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once