I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
